People, that is. The internet is like a little micro version of the world in many respects and that’s one of them. Writing on a blog like this one, the sea of faces is always churning, changing. That’s the way people have always been from my perspective, coming and going. Some stay longer than others, but they all go away eventually. As time passes, no matter how constant someone’s presence, it won’t be there forever. The only constants I have known keep dwindling and I can’t help but think a part of that is because of me. My intrinsic nature. Even my dad lives all the way in New Orleans these days, and before that it was Texas. He moved there with my step mother, brother, and sister when I was about sixteen. I opted to stay in California.
My grandparents are really the only remaining life long connection I have… that, and one of my cousins. We grew up together like brothers. But he’s getting older, doing his own thing, and he’s distant. Maybe only for a while since we get on like no time at all has passed when we end up in the same house together, but all the same he’s got his own life to live. Even my grandparents, who I’m probably closest to these days… I don’t particularly like thinking about it, but the clock is ticking. Someday, hopefully later but maybe sooner, they’re both going to be gone. That shred of evidence, that I can rely on someone being there, knowing me… won’t be there forever either. Aside from them there’s nothing to prove to me that I’m anything but alone. In the end we all are.
“Don’t count on others for help. In the end each of us is in this alone. The survivors are those who know how to look out for themselves.”
~Groshik, to Dessel (Darth Bane: Path of Destruction)
That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a thing. Pain, loss… etc. Solitude is inevitable. That’s no excuse not to reach out to people, connect, or to avoid relationships of any kind. It’s just part of the price of being attached. To people, places, things. I cherish everything I am (or was) attached to, but I also know every one of them is going to hurt.