People seem to forget that evolution isn’t a nice clean upward progression. It isn’t even improvement. It’s just mutation. Each change we endure and each one we try to impose is just an experiment, and they’re all at risk of failing miserably. Shriveling up to die, forgotten or deliberately disowned. That applies just as much to an individual as it does to a species. Pieces of ourselves are shed away and replaced by newer, stronger skin. Or hacked off and replaced by scar tissue.
Nietzsche said whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but the Joker was closer to the truth: whatever doesn’t kill you, simply makes us stranger. We’re not diamonds naturally moving toward some state of perfection. We are animals, becoming more freakish, more monstrous with each new experience. This is evolution, and your life illustrates it on a micro scale. Learning through trial and error. Changing, adapting, shifting, twisting. In our lives only the fittest traits survive.
Not just traits either. Personalities, approaches, outlooks.
Whatever seems to work best is kept, and whatever doesn’t…
Assuming, of course, that you don’t get clingy just because you’d rather stick with the devil you know. There are plenty of other devils out there and each has its own storehouse of wonders and horrors. Sticking with just one is boring. How are you supposed evolve at all if you’re stuck, stagnant and rotting in place, with nothing new going on and no reason to adapt? So what if it’s messy. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it “wrong”. It just means you’re alive.