Self improvement is a popular topic these days. Palahnuik had it right when he wrote that it’s just masturbation. Nothing wrong with it (all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy haha) but it’s not really the most productive thing you could be doing with yourself. Life is a lot messier than an upward trajectory to some poorly made “ideal self”. Fact is you are all you’ve got. You are already there.
Like it, hate it, you are not going anywhere for the duration of your short, silly life. Limitations though? Growth? I think yanking those from the equation would be throwing out the baby with the bath water. I’m all for the idea of getting over the idea of taking yourself so seriously, and for letting go of ill-conceived concepts of yourself. But we exist in a world of limitations.
To act in accordance with your own nature you’ve got to push up against those limits, cheat them, change your shape to something that can overcome them. Crush the ones you can, sidestep the others. All for nothing ultimately ’cause no one gets out of here alive… but that doesn’t seem to bother flowers when it comes time to blossom. How? Who the fuck knows.
None of us really know what we’re doing.
Some have dreams, imaginary goals, and a few even bring those to life. They might seem like they’ve got a sure footing. It’s not really true though. We’re all just bumbling and stumbling along. Maybe the only difference between the dreamers, the planners, and the lost is that some of them believe they have an idea of what to do with themselves and where they’re going.
Others don’t… and maybe they just struggle to feel their way to pleasure. I really don’t know. More often than not I feel like one of the lost, to be honest, but the illusions of life aren’t a bad thing.
“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.”
Sometimes our precious minds get in the way of it. Make it hard to believe in something we know isn’t real. I guess at the end of the day that makes me a nihilist. But I also believe in the power of imagination, dreaming. And I know the intoxication of desire, want, ambition. Even if it’s all as much of an illusion as it sometimes seems to be, we are all trapped in it.
‘Till death do us part.
None of what I’m saying right now answers anything. I don’t have any answers, just personal truths, uncertainties, and the dissonance of them all. Mingling, pushing against each other, a microcosmic, internal version of what happens between us every moment we’re alive. I suppose all I’m saying is…We all change. Some people deny the skin they’ve shed, others make a show of it.
Actually, we all do both. And we all have our preferences as far as which is favored. I think… while we’re here, it just makes sense to ride the storm we were born into. Embrace the true, simple nature within, whatever form it takes, and cope with the environment as best we can. Through adaptation, exertion, destruction… whatever feels right, with the heart to guide us.
You just plod on blindly and try not to think too much about it.
Crushing, cheating, and changing all the way through.