Crushing – Cheating – Changing

Self improvement is a popular topic these days. Palahnuik had it right when he wrote that it’s just masturbation. Nothing wrong with it (all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy haha) but it’s not really the most productive thing you could be doing with yourself. Life is a lot messier than an upward trajectory to some poorly made “ideal self”. Fact is you are all you’ve got. You are already there.

Like it, hate it, you are not going anywhere for the duration of your short, silly life. Limitations though? Growth? I think yanking those from the equation would be throwing out the baby with the bath water. I’m all for the idea of getting over the idea of taking yourself so seriously, and for letting go of ill-conceived concepts of yourself. But we exist in a world of limitations.

To act in accordance with your own nature you’ve got to push up against those limits, cheat them, change your shape to something that can overcome them. Crush the ones you can, sidestep the others. All for nothing ultimately ’cause no one gets out of here alive… but that doesn’t seem to bother flowers when it comes time to blossom. How? Who the fuck knows.

None of us really know what we’re doing.

Some have dreams, imaginary goals, and a few even bring those to life. They might seem like they’ve got a sure footing. It’s not really true though. We’re all just bumbling and stumbling along. Maybe the only difference between the dreamers, the planners, and the lost is that some of them believe they have an idea of what to do with themselves and where they’re going.

Others don’t… and maybe they just struggle to feel their way to pleasure. I really don’t know. More often than not I feel like one of the lost, to be honest, but the illusions of life aren’t a bad thing.

“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.”
~Oscar Wilde

Sometimes our precious minds get in the way of it. Make it hard to believe in something we know isn’t real. I guess at the end of the day that makes me a nihilist. But I also believe in the power of imagination, dreaming. And I know the intoxication of desire, want, ambition. Even if it’s all as much of an illusion as it sometimes seems to be, we are all trapped in it.

‘Till death do us part.

None of what I’m saying right now answers anything. I don’t have any answers, just personal truths, uncertainties, and the dissonance of them all. Mingling, pushing against each other, a microcosmic, internal version of what happens between us every moment we’re alive. I suppose all I’m saying is…We all change. Some people deny the skin they’ve shed, others make a show of it.

Actually, we all do both. And we all have our preferences as far as which is favored. I think… while we’re here, it just makes sense to ride the storm we were born into. Embrace the true, simple nature within, whatever form it takes, and cope with the environment as best we can. Through adaptation, exertion, destruction… whatever feels right, with the heart to guide us.

You just plod on blindly and try not to think too much about it.

Crushing, cheating, and changing all the way through.


5 thoughts on “Crushing – Cheating – Changing

  1. I agree with you in general but I think you’re smarter being who can do more than live and just plod along blindly. That’s psychopathic or disturbed…and there’s nothing wrong with that but we do- or CAN learn from what we do and adjust or accept our limitations. Sometimes I throw up my hands and say fuck it, and sometimes I adjust my mind to avoid certain outcomes or to create certain outcomes. We all steer our own selves where we want to go and we do it with our eyes open or shut. I do think there are people who are blind and have their own way that I am clueless to. What I do know is that I have no real idea but sometimes the sunrises and sunsets are spectacular.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think we’re blinder than we like to think we are. Even when we think things through… it’s just a mechanism of self-comfort. Every step we take in life is, imo, a step through darkness. Every action, a shot in the dark. Even if we’d like to know (or think we know), I don’t think we can ever really know what’s going to happen when we do something. I just know what’s going to happen if I stay still: nothing. Except, well, rot. Atrophy. Decay. And really… that’s part of the process to, but I’d rather not get to bogged down in it.

      To give an idea of where I was coming from when I wrote this post, two quotes running through my mind at the time were…

      “We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.”
      ~Anthony Hopkins


      “Being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity.”
      ~Will Smith

      I think if we liken “thinking” to “sight”, essentially what I’m saying is a lot of people put more stock in their ability to “see”. Intuition, emotion, instinct… those could be likened to other senses. Touch, taste, smell. In that sense, a more sensual approach to life is what I believe in. We can “see”, but not as far most people like to think, and trusting that sight, that ability to think things through, usually ends up holding us back. Especially when those other ‘senses’ try to kick in and do what they’re supposed to.

      Haha, if that makes any sense 🙂 .


      • I agree and I lost my comment to your other post by accidentally leaving the page. What I was saying goes with the statements you had in mind. I see that yes, I over think and it causes inaction or extreme delay and extended pain in the ass thoughts when I should simply choose and move on because it doesn’t really matter what I choose, theres’ always another choice in front of the one I make so stop worrying. The thought and result I’ve seen over decades of over thinking in relationships is a tendency to think yourself so far away from who you are at your core that you don’t recognize yourself anymore. In relation to your answer on the other post where you stated you try not to consider others or their reaction, I think it’s a good way to be. You should be considerate to a civil degree but not to the point of stifling yourself just so others don’t get disturbed. You have to have some sense of “sight” and discernment or you’re just floating about at the whim of the wind or others. Also, to just “BE” means letting go of expectations and any desire to be accepted. You have to trust that you’re enough if you really don’t want to give a damn – and I mean that in a good independent, trusting way of believing that everyone is enough and what will be will be regardless of me. Acting like that is harder than trying to control by over thinking. imo I hope I made a little sense in relation to what you were saying. If not, who cares? No one and it doesn’t matter : )

        Liked by 1 person

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