Not For Me

I have no illusions about my status in the world of fiction. I don’t have one. My avatars are faceless for a reason. I am a nobody. The beauty of that is I don’t have any obligations or responsibilities. The idea is to keep it that way, no matter how successful I get. In fact I think that’ll be a key benchmark of success: doing something for a living where I am free to do as I please, where I make enough money that I don’t have to feel bound by obligations.

Even on a blog there’s supposedly an obligation to your readers. The truth is though… you don’t owe them anything. If they like what you write, they got as much as they can expect to get. After all, you might offer your writing freely, but that also means they get to read it for free. Meaning they don’t owe you shit, but it goes both ways. When you write something, they’re free to like it or ignore it as they please. And you are free to write what you want.

Ideally, without worrying about your “responsibilities”.

I know it’s considered immature. It’s one of the few things that someone could call me out on and nail me for, dead to rights. When it comes to this, I am unabashedly childish. I hate responsibility, I don’t like doing things just because I’m supposed to, or because I’m good at them, or because of anyone relying on me. I resent it. Were my life filled with nothing but that, were I to truly “grow up”, I’d be fucking miserable. Dead inside.

That’s not a living, it’s an existence. None of us really want that.


(Originally posted on January 8th, 2015)

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5 thoughts on “Not For Me

  1. I have a big non-conformist streak. I do have my own identity on my blog and sometimes I think I should have a little avatar. It makes me a bit nervous to think of readers and followers because then I do feel a pressure to perform. I think any who engage in a creative endeavor and show their wares are prone to this dilemma. I read about an artist who was “recognized” when she was 89 years old and she claimed that she did not mind not being recognized for years because it gave her the freedom to express herself as she wanted without any pressure to create a product. A gallery owner had told her at one point that she would not feature her art because she was a woman artist. And women artists were not respected at that time. Here’s an article about her: http://www.wmagazine.com/culture/art-and-design/2014/05/carmen-herrera-artist-99-years-old/photos/

    Liked by 2 people

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