The post before this one was kind of… meh. Structurally it didn’t come out how I wanted and as far as subject matter, I don’t care much about the sky-high number of prisons or prisoners throughout the United States. Just a stray set of thoughts, and the only reason it made it into a post is because I was feeling that urge to write something, anything. It didn’t work because I wasn’t satisfied, but the end result is a plus anyways because here I am writing a new one and tweaking some that’ve been sitting in my “drafts”. Itching to put out something else.
Something more gratifying than my opinion on our fucked up legal system.
This is, for better or worse, my way of taking another stab at it. I knew I was going to do that too; I published the last post knowing full well that I’d look at it every day (thinking “for fuck’s sake man, you can do better than that can’t you?”) until I wrote something to replace it at the top of my site. And that, quite frankly, is inevitable. I always have that itch to write something, and the hunger for a little recognition never really goes away. Whether it’s humming quietly in the background or drowning out every other thought in my head, it’s always there pushing me, pressuring me.
More often than not, those two compulsions drive me to doing some phenomenal fucking writing.
Will it be that way in the next post? I have no fucking idea, but every time I sit down and type something out I move closer to a repeat of the more successful (and eloquent) things I’ve put out there in the past. And the more I keep busy at it, the less I think about any of those past posts, which is great because the past is usually just a distraction anyways. In fact giving it a place here, bringing it up, is a waste of space on my computer screen. They’re words I don’t need or want. Places I’ve already been, things I’ve already said, and I hate dwelling on that shit.
It’s just needless discouragement, thinking “well, I already said my piece on that” or “eh, this post is shit in comparison to that post” and none of that is helpful. It’s only redundant if it’s not fresh, if it’s not from and relevant to the present tense, and if I don’t bother indulging in any bullshit nostalgia or self aggrandizement (at least the kind based on past efforts) it’s far less likely to bog me down or trip me up. Fuck questions yourself, that’s what I say. Do what you do and learn from what happens. Be a catalyst, and do it different next time if you don’t like the result.
This post may not be one I care to remember, and the one before or after it might not be either, but the more I churn out the more I tip the odds in my favor. Increase your rate of failure to increase your rate of success, right? I can’t remember who originally said that but damn it if ain’t true. Sometimes the words that come out my head amount to shit writing, but dealing with that (and learning to be okay with it) just comes with the territory. As long as it’s not all shit all the time, it’s worth it. For the bursts of inspiration and the occasional strokes of brilliance…
Fuck yeah, it’s worth it.