Dear Feminists…

You can have anything, but you can’t have everything.

Think that’s unfair? Tough shit.
It applies to everyone, not just women.

Nobody can have it all. We, as individuals, make our choices.
Every real choice comes with trade offs, with sacrifices.

Everybody gives up some things to attain other things.
Women are not exempt. Hopefully they never will be.

This is one of those rules I talked about a while back.
It’s just a matter of fact, a law of nature.

Get the fuck over it.

Sincerely,
An Unimpressed Critic

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12 thoughts on “Dear Feminists…

  1. As a feminist, I’ve never wanted everything. I don’t know any person who does, whether they proclaim themselves to be feminist or not. Perhaps you’re associating with the wrong people? Or allowing the wrong people to dictate to you what feminism supposedly is?
    Because feminism is simply about gender and intersectional equality. End of. This means that we care about men’s rights, too. Don’t believe me? Maybe you should start paying more attention to my page.
    Nobody can “have it all”, and I don’t know why one would try. I’m not even sure what you even mean by “having it all”; I’m signed up to a dozen different feminist sites, and I haven’t even really seen that requested at all. All I’ve ever seen requested is opportunities to make choices. There’s a pretty big difference between wanting the opportunity to make a choice, and “wanting it all”.
    Signed,
    An Unimpressed Feminist Who Thinks Next Time You Should Get A Better Argument

    Liked by 1 person

    • Explain to me, if you don’t mind, what makes you a “feminist”. How do you define “feminism”? And what choices, exactly, are women deprived of (in the United States specifically), that you want more of? ‘Cause chances are good that that’s an example of exactly what I’m talking about in this post. If it’s simply about equality between men and women, guess what, I believe in that to. And I’m not a feminist.

      So if you don’t need to be a “feminist” to believe in those things, what exactly is the point of the label these days?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Believing in gender and intersectional equality makes me a feminist.
        I’m not from the US, so that makes it kind of hard. But, some examples would be:
        1. Victim-blaming and shaming in rape and abuse cases. From both sides. For women, it’s everything they have done wrong and didn’t do to prevent the rape. For men, they can’t be raped or abused.
        2. STEM field research – women are actively discouraged from applying in certain positions, or participating in certain subjects. I have no problem if women don’t want to go into those fields, but when you’re told from a young age that they are ‘man’ jobs, it makes it hard.
        3. The way women are affected when joining the armed forces. There’s a lot of cases of rape, some of which have recently been publicised.
        4. Catcalling and street harassment and abuse women face regularly.
        5. For more reasons, click here: https://themelodramaticconfessionsofcarlalouise.wordpress.com/2015/12/23/reasons-why-the-feminist-movement-is-so-important/

        I never said you needed to be a feminist. I don’t care what you label yourself. I think feminism is needed if people actively fight against it. However, if you don’t believe me, I wrote this post about why I like being a feminist, what it stands for, what it means to me, and why, as long as you support gender equality, I don’t care what you call yourself … as long as I’m owed the same respect: https://themelodramaticconfessionsofcarlalouise.wordpress.com/2016/01/04/humanist-vs-feminist/

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “STEM field research – women are actively discouraged from applying in certain positions, or participating in certain subjects. I have no problem if women don’t want to go into those fields, but when you’re told from a young age that they are ‘man’ jobs, it makes it hard.”

    Generally speaking, they’re not. In fact, they’ve statistically been getting better grades and better degrees in colleges & universities than men have been, these days, and a lot of jobs (even in the fields you’re probably thinking of) hire with a preference for women because of “affirmative action” styled hiring practices. So really, they have unfair advantages in quite a few fields.

    Victim blaming is not really a cultural thing at this point either. It happens sometimes, and some people just see it that way no matter what ’cause they’re assholes, but it’s not as big of a thing as it’s made out to be. Anyone with half a brain knows that it’s all a bunch of bullshit (the perpetrator is solely to blame for committing the crime. The people that argue otherwise are free to argue their position, but you and me both know that most of our society looks down on the, because they sound like idiots.

    “The way women are affected when joining the armed forces. There’s a lot of cases of rape, some of which have recently been publicized.”

    If that’s true, that sucks. Imo though, if our armed forces were mostly women, and men had started joining up (in other words, if the history of men and women were reversed), I bet the same thing would happen to men. It’s horrible and shouldn’t be ignored, but the more it comes to light (and the more women join up in the armed forces), the more it’ll level out. It’s not like we as a society condone it, and it’s inexcusable to even come close to implying we do.

    Acting like everyone’s okay with it when they’re not, is playing the part of victim for something that’s not even happening. It’s not okay, it’s not allowed, and when people are caught they’re generally punished. There are exceptions, and the military might be a little worse than in other contexts, but like I said, by and large it’s not something people are condoning.

    “Catcalling and street harassment ….”

    Get over it. And don’t lump it in with “abuse”, it’s ridiculous to even imply that catcalling or street “harassment” are even remotely close to abuse.

    If I click on the link of more “reasons”… are the rest of them going to be as easy to address as these ones were? If so, I’d say they’re just going to further validate what I said in this post.

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  3. I don’t think feminists ‘want it all’. Some elements of radical feminism might take their ideas to the extreme, but that’s in no way indicative of feminism in general.

    Feminism is about more than equality in terms of voting, equal pay etc. It’s about the right to walk down a street without the threat of violence or rape and then be told ‘oh, you provoked it by how you were dressed’. It’s about challenging perceptions too – you think victim blaming isn’t a cultural problem? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but it’s definitely a problem, one that stretches across borders.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/2012-the-year-when-it-became-okay-to-blame-victims-of-sexual-assault-8432716.html

    http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/feb/19/blame-the-rapist

    The catcalling and street harassment that you told Carla to get over are indicative of a wider problem – do women want or invite that sort of attention? It’s rooted in a sense of entitlement that we have – no one likes unsolicited advances, why should it be any different for someone walking down a street?

    It’s worth noting that here in Britain at least, the pay gap remains very real: http://www.equalpayportal.co.uk/statistics/

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Some elements of radical feminism might take their ideas to the extreme, but that’s in no way indicative of feminism in general.”

      I’d agree with you, except that most of the remnants of the feminist movement (modern feminism) seems to be almost exclusively defined by radicals, by sexists, and if that’s virtually all that’s left of a group, their norm, then yes it is indicative of feminism in general, because it has *become* feminism in general.

      “It’s about the right to walk down a street without the threat of violence or rape and then be told ‘oh, you provoked it by how you were dressed’. It’s about challenging perceptions too – you think victim blaming isn’t a cultural problem? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but it’s definitely a problem, one that stretches across borders.”

      I already addressed this when I responded to someone else. Here’s what I said: “Victim blaming is not really a cultural thing at this point either. It happens sometimes, and some people just see it that way no matter what ’cause they’re assholes, but it’s not as big of a thing as it’s made out to be. Anyone with half a brain knows that it (the victim blaming) is all a bunch of bullshit (the perpetrator is solely to blame for committing the crime). The people that argue otherwise are free to argue their position, but you and me both know that most of our society looks down on them, because they sound like idiots.” If a woman still feels that she’s under threat of rape and/or violence just by walking down a street, first off, men can walk down a street and feel the same way if it’s in a bad area, that’s not necessarily a woman specific problem, it’s a crime problem, and second, whether that is or isn’t the case (that it’s simply a dangerous area, for anyone to be walking through), if a woman feels that way while walking through certain areas, I’d suggest they arm themselves. Buy a knife, buy mace, buy a gun, know how to defend yourself.

      “The catcalling and street harassment that you told Carla to get over are indicative of a wider problem – do women want or invite that sort of attention? It’s rooted in a sense of entitlement that we have – no one likes unsolicited advances, why should it be any different for someone walking down a street?”

      If individuals don’t like certain public interactions, they’re free to do something about it in specific situations. If someone whistles out at you, you’re more than welcome to respond with a middle finger, or to say “fuck off”. Free speech works both ways. I guess my question is, speaking strictly in terms of catcalling and street “harassment”… where do you draw the line for what’s considered “over-stepping”, and how do you enforce that? Are you willing to say that a man should be fined or given a short stint in jail for whistling at some chick? If not, what’s your realistic solution? I don’t think there is on, and I don’t think this particular issue is really an issue. And lacking any hard rules (or enforcement of those rules) that would be in line with our constitution or that would be within the bounds of anything we can call reasonable, I’d say my response remains the same as it was with Carla: yeah, get over it.

      As for your link on the alleged wage “gap”, I appreciate you posting it (and I’ve already started to glance over it), but it’s information I’m already familiar with, and asserts the existence of a wage gap basically by looking at the whole of what women make overall versus what men make overall. The problem with that gross oversimplification is that equal opportunity doesn’t dictate that everyone will have an equal outcome or equally seize those opportunities, and any number of factors outside of sexism can account for that; the personal choices people make being one of the bigger ones. Some of that even shows through in one of the 1st paragraphs on that page:

      “However, pay levels throughout the whole of Europe differ hugely, with some areas seeing women earning more on average than men…”

      So yes, if you lump all men together from all over, and you lump all women together from all over, you might find an uneven number, but that really doesn’t paint a clear picture by itself, and it’s used to create a narrative that the details, the break downs, etc. just don’t really support.

      Like

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