Moments of Indecision

Well, I’m still figuring out what I want to do with this fucking title issue (not feeling it, or the previous one), and I was going to work on one of my drafts here but apparently that’s an “invalid post address” or some shit. Whatever. I’m still going to write something.

I don’t know what yet but I’ll figure it out as I go along – and yeah, if you’re new to this site, I do this kind of shit, and I find as far as site traffic goes, the more the merrier. It also happens to correspond to my level of productivity. The more I write freely, the more I write, period. Having a specific purpose in mind is good, having something specific to say, but what about when you get tired? Or apply yourself too much to something else in your life to be able maintain the same level of energy and effort towards the, oh, a blog like this? Or how about when I’m feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or indecisive?

Writing through it is a way back to the specifics, to meaningful purposes, to sifting through myself in some respects. Spew the words out, see what’s there, take it back in and process it, then spit it out clearer than the first time (not as a draft to publish process either; as a 1st post, 2nd post, 3rd post, etc. process). Makes it visibly messy.

Life is messy though, and so am I. Odds are, so are you.

Nothing wrong with sharing that around, infecting others, with that messiness and the strange, vicious hunger that seems to develop for the sharing of it, the spread. Although…  maybe I’m getting a bit too metaphysical for what I’m getting at. The point is, this messy stream of thoughts I’m writing out – and that you’re presumably reading – is part of how I work my way to ever clearer, more effective communication. Could do it in a journal too as far as that goes, but why not do it here? No good reason not to imo, so here we are.

Indecision might be a recurring issue for me but here’s a suggestion if you’ve got similar issues: work through it. You can kill indecision pretty easily when you’ve got it in perspective. Decide.

Decide and you can kill it. And to be honest, I might kill this “moment” of indecision and opt for a reversion to the previous title (Heart of a Lunatic). It’s not that it doesn’t have meaning or relevance, I just want something new. I’m bored with it, over it. Since none of the worthwhile alternatives I’ve come up with are really clicking with me, either the current title (Sutter’s Anthem) or the old one can stay up there until something better (more in tune with the here and now) occurs to me. I’d rather it come naturally anyways; forcing it often ruins it.

Authenticity, being real, counts for a lot in my book.

(And as a sidenote… what a horribly trivial thing to fixate on; I’m wasting my time with this title thing, making too much of it, and it really doesn’t matter what the title is except how they play on (or against) the kind of things I’ve said in the past – and the kind of things I’ll say in the future.)


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