I’ve got a lot of old posts drafted, a few newish ones… might publish a few of those, but I’m getting back to posts like this, too. Posts of, well, of who the fuck knows what until it’s been written and slapped with a title. It’s funny how that parallels my indecision here (with writing) and in one or two other big areas. I know better than to get lost in uncertainty, I know better ways of navigating it than to slow my pace, to pause for introspection or reflection or, sometimes, even doubt. And still it catches me wrong footed sometimes. Just not for long anymore.
Not nearly as long as it might last each time if I didn’t know better.
You know why I started this? Started writing so much?
I did it purely for the pleasure. For kicks, for expressing myself in a satisfying way. A lot of instant gratification involved in that too, believe it or not, and I can (and sometimes do) talk shit all day about stupid greed (usually relating to want for instant gratification, beyond what’s rational) as opposed to real greed (with which Gordon Gecko said it best, “greed is good.”), but there’s something to be said for instant gratification, or at least… immediate.
Take this blog; I write a post, I get a few likes, maybe a few shares. I write five posts in one day and publish ’em all at once, I get a lot more likes. The more posts I write, the better I get at throwing my thoughts together into coherent posts, the better I get, the faster I get. The more I post, the more impact each new post can have… or if not “impact”… maybe reach is a better word.
Whatever the word you prefer, it’s about not thinking too much, about enjoying myself, about going to fast to feel in control, about the heart guiding the hand and if that means insanity then fuck it, let’s have some insanity. And if you’re actually wondering how we’ve just made the leap from talking about posting on a blog to talking about madness, take another look at the header.
Madness is important.
It’s that something extra, that spark within us all that makes us truly alive.