In that post on years of practice I mentioned the amount of total subscribers I have right now. Was I bragging? One the one hand, you bet your ass I was. All things considered that’s a pretty far reach for starting from scratch. Plus I’m a believer in embracing all the worldly sins we can; naturally, that includes pride, and it includes vanity. The magnitude of that vanity is probably the basis of what the other side to it is. See, on the other hand, it’s not that impressive.
Not to me anyways.
Compared to what I want, what I’m starving for, it’s nothing. Just a small fraction of what I want and where I’ll be. I mean, if you think reaching in excess of 10,000 followers is impressive at all (and some people won’t, obviously, but for those that might think it is:) wait ’till I get to 50,000. And it won’t stop there either ’cause that milestone will just be another launching point to expand and reach out even further. It feeds into itself, with every expansion enabling further expansion.
Besides that, to me anyways, maybe I can brag about where I’m at now, maybe, but it’s more of a testament to my laziness than anything else. It’s not nothing, hence the momentary bragging, but considering what my aim is, how much higher it is… from that perspective, it is nothing. And I guess some people might think the two outlooks are mutually exclusive. They’re not. I get that maybe they seem at odds, and there is a little bit of dissonance involved in seeing both sides.
That’s just a minor detail though, and all it amounts to is that both things are true (yes I’ll brag about it and no it’s not all that impressive to me) and that there are mixed feelings at play. Especially if I speculate about where the count might be if I weren’t so lazy from time to time.
So I’m bragging and I’m not. Get what I mean?
Always wanting more makes it hard to impress myself, but I’m also not going to sell myself short on that count, because comparing it to other people it is kind of impressive, and further, that it doesn’t impress me that much just means I’m continually driven to gain more and more ground. So if you’re not impressed yet, don’t worry, sooner or later you will be. Count on it.
Think I’m too sure of myself? Maybe I am.
Here’s the thing though: I do not stop. That gives me an edge in my ability to make that claim a reality, that sooner or later I’ll impress you. In that light, I’ve got every reason in the world to be confident in it. I’m just going to keep going whether anyone’s impressed or not so sooner or later, someone’s inevitably going to be impressed. There’s also one other factor that’s in my favor.
Impressing people isn’t quite the point. I like the validation, the recognition, whatever you want to call it, and it kind of is a reason for doing what I do, but it’s not the driving force behind why I write. It’s a big part of the reason I write here, publicly, why I share my work and want it shared. But it’s not why I write. That part, the passion that my desire for recognition springs from…
That’s all about me. See, I kind of write for you, but I also write for myself.
If one person doesn’t like what I write, that’s no sweat off my back ’cause apparently for every person who doesn’t like what I have to say there are like ten more that do. Probably more than that if you compare the few “haters” I’ve encountered to the number of people who say they get something out of what I put out there. Which is actually true no matter what you have to say.
If you make sure to put your opinions, commentary, or whatever out there, the only other factors are how well you present it (i.e. how well, how clearly, you write) and how good you are at catching people’s attention. If you’re good at those two things and you just write what you believe, what you feel, what you care about, what you really think… it doesn’t matter what you say.
As long as you’re being real and you’re getting people to take a look and give you a chance to sustain their interest, as long as you’re actually putting pieces of yourself out there on a regular basis again and again and again, you’re eventually going to find someone – or lots of someones – who agree with or at least appreciate whatever it is you’re saying to the world. If you make sure to get your voice out there where others can hear it, it’s basically just a numbers game.
The more you say, the more you put out there, the more the odds are in your favor.
Empire of Sludge 